Dating sucks. Sure, you get a few nice and fun experiences out of it, but generally it’s draining and disappointing. Especially when you’re wanting to find someone for a long-term relationship. It’s easy to get discouraged.
Sometimes you feel like you’re wasting your time and you’d rather eat sand than spend another two hours getting all dolled up just to meet up with someone who acts super interested but texts you five days later, or tells you that his last relationship ended because his ex-girlfriend was a “bitch”.
So, I want to talk about one red flag I’ve noticed in my dating experiences and that of friends and relatives that may save you time and energy. It’s one that many of us, women especially, consider a good thing, but that often signals a lack of interest on the man’s part, and that is a lack of “nervousness” on his part during your first few dates.
I know, confidence is so attractive; however, generally, when a guy really likes you, he’s going to be a little nervous around you. He may act a bit awkward or stumble over his words a little bit. You notice that he cares about the impression he’s giving you and wants to make sure he doesn’t do or say something that may turn you off.
When a man is too relaxed and confident around you on that first and second date, it often means one or both of two things: A. he’s just dating to have a good time and to meet different people (which by the way, there’s nothing wrong with that, so long as it’s also what you’re looking for). B. he’s not very interested in you.
In this post, I’m mostly focusing on B, a lack of interest. I’m not saying that a guy has to bend over backwards or shake uncontrollably, but being on his toes shows that there’s enough interest and attraction on his part. And if you notice that he doesn’t really seem nervous around you, it doesn’t automatically mean that he’s not interested, but it’s something you may want to pay attention to and keep an eye out for other signs that may tell you he’s not really into it.
Please, please, please do not take these things personally. If a guy isn’t all that interested in you, it’s OK. It doesn’t mean you’re not interesting enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or anything else. You’re simple not his cup of tea. We all have preferences. You both deserve to be with someone who’s very interested in you and vice-versa.
So next time you’re on your first day with a guy, remember that his nervous laugh or over eagerness is probably a good thing.
*Disclaimer: this post is geared towards women who are dating men, because that’s my case, and therefore it’s what I feel most comfortable giving advice on. The advice on this post can definitely be applied to any sex, gender, or dating situation. Just putting that out there. xo’s